Depression Survival
The chink in the armour that lets in depression will not mend itself, neither will it go away.
I was 28, employed, fiance, good circle of friends. Then it all went to ratshit. My Fiance got depressed, her mother was a controlling MF, her father was a bullying coward. So much time was taken up with a woman in denial that it affected my sleep, my eating, my ability to perform and my boss tells me I am not needed
She goes to her parents, I go to hell. It is indescribable what I went through. Pain, sobbing fits, loss of memory, room spinning every time I lay my head down, night terrors, suicidal thoughts, recklessness, driving at 150mph on the public roads and a complete disregard for my own health and wellbeing.
Antidepressants, sedatives that made me a zombie, counselling with a left wing lesbian who claims to know what she is doing but is only living out her unhappy life through my answers to her loaded questions, massive weightloss. I am dying and I do not care.
What happened? I had to pick myself up - I , me, not anyone else, even if it was their responsbility to do so. When you are isolated and alone, there is only you, no-one else.
Where am I now?
Company director, paramedic, and a different person.
I am much more calm, much more methodical. The over emotional part of me is burnt out like a dead lightbulb. External grief I am immune to. Is this a blessing? I don’t know, but I am good at my job, better than before. If someone is dying, I do what I can for them. If they are dead, I don’t take it home with me.
Internal grief, I still cry, and it still hurts, not about what caused me to become depressed, but other silly things. Then, I feel weak, but my biggest fear is that my sadness response will lead to depression once more
The fragile human condition.
I am a survivor, and it is survivable
Good luck
Steve
Well done steve. It is indeed very brave from your side to face and fight the disaster in very smart manner.
Keep the good and encouraging words flowing since it brings light in the heart of people suffering from depression.
I did not understand it… Why…
probably you right…
Excellent! I enjoyed reading your material. Discontent makes rich men poor.
Hi Steve Would you write back so we could talk. You sound strong and good and I am weak and angry right now. Please let me know. Anne
I am curious where you live. What part of the country are you in? I hope you still check this sight now and then.