How I feel in depression

 

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For 8 years now ive delt with depression, and it hurts me to say its gotten the best of me. I have no family as a result of my depression, from a early age i knew something was wrong with the world around me, soon it gave way to something was wrong with my world, and soon after that something was wrong with me. Entering Highschool forced me to toughen, Not to show my wounds. Having artistic skill i see as a curse kept me popular, i had friends from all groups who would compliment me and buy my english papers covered in blue and black ink. I became the one people asked “Is there something wrong you dont seem to smile much”. They were concerned and wanted to help, but from what i had learned in the past these people dont deserve my troubles, its not fare to give a normal happy person(most of the time girls) an insite of true sadness, i couldnt bring myself to hurt them as i had hurt my family into strangers. I finished highschool early around December of my senior year, I didnt say goodbye, in all sence i ran. I moved to a different city hoping not to be notice, the only work i could find was an artist for tatoo companies. I kept to myself and let my art explain why im this way. Soon after starting work a young women came to me offering a full ride to art school, i refused she asked why.I explained to her that my art is a prison, I explained that most peolpe leave there emotions on the page I stay in that state. As much as i tried not to the women and i fell in love, I gave all i could to not show her how hurt i was. But shes smart and wont take “im fine” for an answere, over 6 mounths i confided in her. Telling all that sadend me, its not always true to feel better after lettin it out i felt worse until one day i could take it i told her ide never forget her and she should forget about me. I moved back to the town i fled, old friends began to notice me back in town they all thought i had died or killed myself. some were psyciactry students and told me they could help i told them what i did in highschool, they re smarter now and wont let me hide, i know i should accept to help but dont want to hurt anyone else im alone and dont know what to do.
Eric

 
 

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