We can get rid of it

We can get rid of it
By Jayne
22 Years Old

I haven't suffered severe depression since I was in my early teens. But after I graduated university and started in my dream job, I began going through some phases of very severe depression (which seemed totally stupid because I was supposed to be happy).

I know "severe depression" is just a term and it doesn't feel like it means anything when you aren't going through it. But this felt like I was sort of trapped inside a glass tube - I could see, hear, feel everything, but it was sort of less real. I was feeling this constant, deep pain, sort of like sadness all the time - when I went to sleep, when I woke up, when I tied my shoes, reached for something.. All the time. I could feel myself smiling and laughing and trying to act normal, but I think closer people could see I was flat. My stomach always sort of hurt, I had very little energy, food lost it's taste and couldn't enjoy anything or look foward to anything. It sounds drastic but I really wanted to kill myself and I had no idea why this was happening.

Anyway, I saw a councellor who discussed "getting rid of depression". It really sounded too good to be true. A mechanism suggested that I have found that works is when I'm feeling depressed, to write down a.) the situation, b.) my feelings or reaction, and c.) my THOUGHTS.

The thoughts was what suprised me. I didnt realise what I was telling myself during certain dip phases! I was allowing awful thoughts into my head, terrible things... like "What if I die alone..". I'm starting to recognise the situations and the "triggers" and I'm also changing the way I talk to myself during the difficult times.

I also now really believe that depression is beatable and it is possible to be happy.

Posted by Jayne : March 9, 2006

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