terrified of work finding out Options

[stkate]

I've suffered from depression episodes for about 10 years. Lately, due to major stresses at work, I'm back into feeling awful. I'm a good employee and have hidden my depression episodes well in the past but now I'm terrified that my new boss, whom I hate, will find out and fire me. I'm working double time to not be seen as weak and incompetent. I can't afford to get fired but am terrified that that my boss will use anything to get me fired. The stress of trying to be professional at all times at my job is just about killing me. It makes me so angry. When other employees have physical illness, such as cancer or heart problems my employer rallies around them and makes all sorts of acomidations but I've kept my depression a secret because I'm afraid it will be seen as a character flaw and I'll be fired. Plus I'm so paranoid, I'm sure when I come into work each day, I'll be escorted off the premises and I don't know what I'll do. Any advice from those of you who have been terrified of being discovered. stkate

[melissa]

kate,

I can relate to your fear since I too hide my depression from my boss and co-workers as best I can. But if your boss were to find out and fire you, you could sue him and the company for wrongful termination. It would be illegal for him to fire you. Does your employer offer mental health services in your insurance plan? Many employers do. What matters most to an employer is that you get your work done accurately and on time and that you get along with your co-workers. Good luck and write anytime you would like to talk. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[majordepressedgu...]

Hi, Melissa's Advice and finding the right personal support you need and prepare yourself to work on yourself getting better alittle each Day. If they don't understand it wasn't meant to be! There is nothing wrong with you yourself but we just have to prepare ourselves fot the unexpected and train ourselves for this new society that Don't understand. I'm aperson that doesn't feel good about myself not working but with my givin disorders, I need to fix my problems first and then go back to work. There is help out there for people like us with our needs. Take time for Yourself!
Best wishes,
MajorGuy~ (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

[dusty]

Hi Kate.

I too am terrified of being 'found out' - I think that's probably my worst fear. I'm in the UK and don't know a lot about US employment law (I'm guessing you're in the US?) but as far as I know in most civilised countries it is ILLEGAL to fire an employee based on illness. The important thing to remember, I think, is that your job is just that: your job. It's only a job. It isn't who you are or what you are, any more than your illness is. Sure it's easy to say that, we all have bills to pay, but when you're sick - in my opinion at least - the only thing you should be worrying about is you and your recovery. Before I left my job (in early Feb this year) I was in a similar position - I threw myself into work and ran myself ragged for he company that employed me because I was terrified of being fired. All it did was exacerbate my own personal problems to the point where I couldn't cope anymore.
It sounds trite to say it but try not to be so scared. If the worst should happen, you have rights and you are protected - but I don't imagine for a minute that the worst will happen.
Try to remind yourself that your EMPLOYER needs YOU - not the other way around.
Best wishes and hope you're having a good day.

[SocalDNM]

hi,when i worked i feared the same.i felt like people would make fun of me if they found out.but you know i think i couldnt hide it.just by some peoples actions i think they could tell i had some kinda problem.i think the more you think you hide it,the more you show it.cause i never really associated with people except for the few people that were around me.but the supervisor was a SOB.he took advantage of me.but later i got laid off.but really it was a clever way to fire me.he had plans to get rid of me but waited till he could do it.but i was around meanwhile for him to use me.

does this get me angry?yes it does!but im not gonna blame them.if it was to be anyones fault,it would be mine to have tryed to work like this.but really its not my fault at all.i tryed to do something.so im not wrong for trying.what i should realize is that im not capable of working in this condition.i should be smart and hold off work until i am in better health.those people at my past job dont really know me.they saw me for my depressed self.i forgive them cause they are just being selfish humans.selfish self centered people naturally try to take advantage of weaker people.thats all they live off.but as i grow a little stronger i know they didnt do much to me as they think.i know i got alot more to look forward to thatn them.they are still stuck at a miserable job.thats what they amounted to.i still got alot more than them.plus i never really liked the work that i was doing.so im glad im done with that place.

i really think im not ready to work.my illness prevents me from functioning the way i know i can.i cant perform to the best of my ability.is this my fault?NO!im just in poor health.since i realize this,i need help.i really truly believe i need to be out of work and on a break to get my health back.did i choose this?no.but its a reality.if i had the choice id prefer to be healthy.cause im not lazy or anything.since i know this i know i can be a much greater person when im not depressed.if you truly think your mental health is in the way of you performing correctly,then maybe you need to get off work for a little bit and get some disability.you gotta think,your health comes first.well anyways im gonna go now.Bye

[Shell]

Hi .. for all of you out there struggling with depression, I want to confirm that it is possible for you to feel better. I say this because I have gone through it and it is a fact that depression is a highly treatable disorder. I remember how I used to look for help online, read someone's story of "recovery" just to believe that someone out there actually recovered from what I was suffering.

It is important though to keep in mind that recovery from depression/anxiety is slow. It is important to remember that you can take only one baby step every day. Looking back at myself getting into depression and recovering from it, I imagine that first I went down the spiral stairs of a high building step by step and then I walked up the same stairs.. step by step.

I believe it could have been easier for me to recover from my depression had I asked for help earlier. I wasted too much thinking that I was okay (or I had to be okay), that I didn't need anyone's help. Reality was that I was getting worse every day. The way I see it is that when you first start feeling symptoms of depression, they are like weak signals of alert. They are trying to tell you that something is wrong and you need to pay attention to what's going on. If you don't listen to the initial signs, your body will send stronger signals (symptoms) to draw your attention, because things are getting worse inside. In my case, I think I waited until my body was literally screaming at me before I asked for help.

It is okay that you don't like the first therapist you see. You don't have to feel comfortable with everyone. If you sincerely think your therapist is not too much of help to you or is not understanding you, try some other therapist. It is your right to do that! I remember how I didn't have the courage to quit seeing a therapist though i thought there was totally no connection between us. I was vulnerable and I didn't have the assertiveness to do it.

Throughout my struggle with depression, two challenges kept coming up: being patient and taking care of myself. I sometimes think depression wanted to teach me these. Ask yourself what is it that you need to change to help you get out of your depression? Accept that those are challenging for you and that you will do your best to change those things. But don't expect yourself to do that in a day. Give yourself time, be only concerned about today and believe that tomorrow will be better, even if it is just a little bit better.

Finally, don't compare yourself to others. Don't see other people having perfect lives. What I learned is that everyone has their own problems and struggles. I still do today. But I don't feel out of control because I learned the skills I needed to learn to handle my challenges.

I grew a lot going through my depression of 4 years. Depression is your body and mind's way of telling you some things need to change or you need to deal with certain stresses/emotions accumulated. Talk to a therapist, get a piece of paper and start writing everything that's on your mind, go for a short or do some other exercise. Do what ever it is as long as it is a baby step toward your recover..

I wish you all patience during this hard time if your life.

Feel free to ask anything I might help from my experience.

Shell

[Joost]

Nice reply shell,
we expect more such posts from you.

Welcome greetings to Shell and stkate.

Joost

[MajorGuy]

Hello shell and welcome to the forum. That is some very good insight on overcoming depression and it all makes alot of sense. Posts like these are sure to help people so keep-em coming. You and I can both learn from our post to other members problems and try to use our own giving advise to help us through our trouble spots. Again I enjoyed reading that post and I felt better after reading this.

Thanks again,

MajorGuy~

[Aks1]

good post shell

welcome here