Rainbowlove....Welcome to the forum. You'll find a lot of help here and resources. We've all been there before in one way or another and are in various stages of recovery or relapse. You'll always find support here, and a laugh once in a while!!
In reading your post you say that you have no money for medications. Quite a few medications are now available in generic form...and the big drug companies do offer some assistance to people with no insurance and no money. They are great. Just look up the drug and the website should direct you to a helping organization. One other that deals with all the companies at once is PPRX....search for that, you should find something.
That, to me, was very instrumental on my road to stability. It was only then that I could get my thoughts straight and relieve the extreme despair and sadness enough to write. I found journaling does help a lot. I mainly wrote my feelings and tried to explore why I was feeling that way. And try to look beyond blaming a situation or person in your life....try to figure out maybe why you are reacting that way to that person or situation. Is there something in your past (childhood, teen years, early adult life) that has programmed that reaction. For instance..... I grew up old school where if you were knocked down you pulled yourself up by your bootstraps and met the fight head on. When the depression first hit, I was looking to fix it, or supress it because in my family you were never a victim or suffered from anything. I was raised to always be strong and never whine or cry about stuff, just fix it and move on. Well, that thought process kept me fighting myself for so long. Through journaling and reviewing the journal I realized that there are some things that are out of my control and I need to ask for help...that's tough, but necessary.
Also with journaling your thoughts, try journaling your dreams as well. Our subconcious can give us clues to the root cause behind our thoughts and feelings. Find a dream book at your local library and look up the key people, features and events in your dreams. After two weeks you may see a pattern that can lead you to understand a direction for change.
I hope all this helps a little. Get on medication and/or in therapy. Some churches offer therapy with a pastor or priest at little or no charge. Sometimes just having an uninvolved outsider to dump all the ugly and dark feelings on helps lighten the load.
Take care and keep coming back. I wouldn't be on my road to wellness without the great people at this forum!!!