NEW MEMBER, WHAT AM I? Options

[amijustlazy]

Hi members,
Today I was doing a search on depression and found this forum...I am a "very young" 66 yr. old woman who until about 2 months ago, was full of Life & Optimism". I don't feel depressed, i.e.: don't cry or have suicidal thoughts but gradually I've cut myself off from the world. My home is so cluttered & dirty that I will not answer the door or allow anyone in. I'm having trouble remembering things....I don't answer the phone unless it is one of my children who live in another state. See, I don't want to worry them. I haven't gotten out of my PJ's for a week. Never shower or wash my hair. I do feed & take care of my cats.
My now "normal" days go like this. Awaken at 7 AM, make coffee, feed cats, check computer for emails, and then lay all day on the couch watching TV. I usually go to bed around 10 and put the TV on in my bedroom where I fall asleep and it plays all night. I have always been an energetic person who never stopped. Never had a weight problem, but have gained 30 lbs. in the past 2 months.
I haven't opened mail for 5 months; clutter has become permanent art; I cannot fit my car into my 2 car garage because of all the mess......I feel as though I'm spinning all day....go from one thing to another.....everything is so overwhelming for me. Each morning I say, today I will clean up........and all I do is walk around & then lay on the couch.
I have missed 2 appointments with my family doctor... simply didn't go, no phone call to him or anything else.
Now I don't want to leave the house at all.....I wait until 9 PM to go to my mailbox because I don't want to see any neighbors.
I have been taking Zoloft 100mg. a day.............but maybe I need to stop...maybe it is causing this or maybe I'm just lazy....
Any ideas?
My family & friends would be appalled if they knew what I was, or rather what I was not doing....Hopefully I will hear from someone with suggestions!

[bonniegeen]

NO!!!! Youarenotjustlazy!!!!

I'm not a psychiatrist or physician at all, just a woman suffering with depressive episodes that are much like yours. I too have gone through periods of not cleaning at all, and like you said, it becomes so overwhelming, and you kick yourself for letting it get that way...so you feel worse and don't want to do anything. Its a vicious circle.

Did something happen in particular to start this chain of events? You need to get to your family doctor and have him/her recommend a psychiatrist. Your MD can prescribe meds, but Zoloft is usually prescribed for anxiety, not depression. It sounds like you've developed anxiety, but there may be a reason for it...so, your anxiety is better somewhat, but the underlying cause remains.

Please, get some help....and let your kids know so they can support you...if that's what they would do. I know they would worry...my mom is pretty reclusive herself, with 8 cats, and I love and care about her as I always have. I just know there are some things going on that she needs help with.

Your condition may be hormonal, or situational, whatever...but it needs to be addressed. At 66 you are way too young to be wasting away like that. Believe me, I know how hard it is, I've been there. Through talk therapy and the right combo of medications, I am feeling better and my house is cleaner than it has been in 7 years.

Take care NOTLAZY...glad to have you here at the forum!!
All the best, and keep coming back.

[amijustlazy]

Bonnie,
Thank you so much for your insight. After I posted my thoughts yesterday and then saw that no one responded, I felt even worse. All those people read my post but only you responded.

I have no idea what started this....but I am getting worse each day that passes.....I know that I should go
to my family doctor, but I am ashamed to tell him what has been going on.

There is so much more I could tell you but don't know if all of this belongs under the New Member heading.

You will never know how much I appreciate you taking the time & caring enough to write to me.

Thank you.

NO!!!! Youarenotjustlazy!!!!

I'm not a psychiatrist or physician at all, just a woman suffering with depressive episodes that are much like yours. I too have gone through periods of not cleaning at all, and like you said, it becomes so overwhelming, and you kick yourself for letting it get that way...so you feel worse and don't want to do anything. Its a vicious circle.

Did something happen in particular to start this chain of events? You need to get to your family doctor and have him/her recommend a psychiatrist. Your MD can prescribe meds, but Zoloft is usually prescribed for anxiety, not depression. It sounds like you've developed anxiety, but there may be a reason for it...so, your anxiety is better somewhat, but the underlying cause remains.

Please, get some help....and let your kids know so they can support you...if that's what they would do. I know they would worry...my mom is pretty reclusive herself, with 8 cats, and I love and care about her as I always have. I just know there are some things going on that she needs help with.

Your condition may be hormonal, or situational, whatever...but it needs to be addressed. At 66 you are way too young to be wasting away like that. Believe me, I know how hard it is, I've been there. Through talk therapy and the right combo of medications, I am feeling better and my house is cleaner than it has been in 7 years.

Take care NOTLAZY...glad to have you here at the forum!!
All the best, and keep coming back.

[General_Joy]

I agree with Bonnie 100%--it is not laziness you're dealing with. You will have to see somebody to figure out what's going on... I know you said you didn't keep your doctor's appointments before, but you'll have to push yourself to go so you can start working on the problem and feeling better!

BTW, I love your avatar! I'm a cat person too

[amijustlazy]

I agree with Bonnie 100%--it is not laziness you're dealing with. You will have to see somebody to figure out what's going on... I know you said you didn't keep your doctor's appointments before, but you'll have to push yourself to go so you can start working on the problem and feeling better!

BTW, I love your avatar! I'm a cat person too

[font=Comic Sans Ms][size=1]

Thanks for taking the time to reply to me....I am going to try to go to my doctor tomorrow and as I just cannot
tell him all that I have been going though because I'm so ashamed, I decided to print out what I wrote on here & give it to the nurse for him to read before he sees me.....Possibly then I can speak about it.

Again thanks for your concern. Today I am not even bothering getting out of bed.........This cannot continue; the guilt is becoming overwhelming.

[bonniegeen]

NOTLAZY!!!

Hello again...don't take it personal that replies didn't come from more than a few. Being a depression forum, sometimes everyone that logs on is looking for help and have trouble offering the support someone else might need.

I think printing this off and giving it to the doc is a great idea. It will break the ice and allow him to open the conversation. Believe me, you are NOT alone.

There is no need to be ashamed either. I struggled with this at first, not wanting to admit depression because I saw it as a flaw or a weakness....finally, after suffering for 5 years I crashed similar to what you are doing now and realized I could not get well alone....and that I needed to either get well or die....and dying isn't an option because the pain is still there, lingering on with your spirit, from what I believe.
Hope is hard to come by for you, I know....but keep posting and get to your doctor and let it all out. You will feel much better.
I'll be thinking of you and sending all the warm fuzzies I can muster!!!
Take care
Bonnie

[Azrael]

Hello amIjustlazy:

No you're not lazy, far from lazy ... in fact, the struggles you go through each day prove you're not lazy ... a lazy person couldn't endure the pain and anguish of a major depressive episode ... a lazy person couldn't cope with the dark & murky thoughts, the constant drain on your energy, the pain and aguish ... the struggles to survive each day. You're definitely not lazy, quite the opposite we think.


We're currently struggling through our own episode of severe major depression and experience many of the same things you've described ... try as we many ... crawling out of the deep well of depression we currently find ourself enveloped by seems to be next to impossible, despite the efforts of a very dedicated therapist. We're not able to find the words to help you recover from your own situation ... we have not answers for you except to keep on trying and know that you're not alone. We're there with you and we're keeping you in our thoughts.

Take care, be safe and well: Azrael

[Joost]

Hello amijustlazy,

Welcome to depression forums. I hope you will find everything and every support you need for fighting with your illness.

All the best.

[amijustlazy]

Hello amijustlazy,

Welcome to depression forums. I hope you will find everything and every support you need for fighting with your illness.

All the best.

Thanks much foryour concern

NO!!!! Youarenotjustlazy!!!!

I'm not a psychiatrist or physician at all, just a woman suffering with depressive episodes that are much like yours. I too have gone through periods of not cleaning at all, and like you said, it becomes so overwhelming, and you kick yourself for letting it get that way...so you feel worse and don't want to do anything. Its a vicious circle.

Did something happen in particular to start this chain of events? You need to get to your family doctor and have him/her recommend a psychiatrist. Your MD can prescribe meds, but Zoloft is usually prescribed for anxiety, not depression. It sounds like you've developed anxiety, but there may be a reason for it...so, your anxiety is better somewhat, but the underlying cause remains.

Please, get some help....and let your kids know so they can support you...if that's what they would do. I know they would worry...my mom is pretty reclusive herself, with 8 cats, and I love and care about her as I always have. I just know there are some things going on that she needs help with.

Your condition may be hormonal, or situational, whatever...but it needs to be addressed. At 66 you are way too young to be wasting away like that. Believe me, I know how hard it is, I've been there. Through talk therapy and the right combo of medications, I am feeling better and my house is cleaner than it has been in 7 years.

Take care NOTLAZY...glad to have you here at the forum!!
All the best, and keep coming back.

[Cirus]

amijustlazy

this is the nice place. Hope you also cure your problems somehow throught this forum like me.

[amijustlazy]

NO!!!! Youarenotjustlazy!!!!

I'm not a psychiatrist or physician at all, just a woman suffering with depressive episodes that are much like yours. I too have gone through periods of not cleaning at all, and like you said, it becomes so overwhelming, and you kick yourself for letting it get that way...so you feel worse and don't want to do anything. Its a vicious circle.

Did something happen in particular to start this chain of events? You need to get to your family doctor and have him/her recommend a psychiatrist. Your MD can prescribe meds, but Zoloft is usually prescribed for anxiety, not depression. It sounds like you've developed anxiety, but there may be a reason for it...so, your anxiety is better somewhat, but the underlying cause remains.

Please, get some help....and let your kids know so they can support you...if that's what they would do. I know they would worry...my mom is pretty reclusive herself, with 8 cats, and I love and care about her as I always have. I just know there are some things going on that she needs help with.

Your condition may be hormonal, or situational, whatever...but it needs to be addressed. At 66 you are way too young to be wasting away like that. Believe me, I know how hard it is, I've been there. Through talk therapy and the right combo of medications, I am feeling better and my house is cleaner than it has been in 7 years.

Take care NOTLAZY...glad to have you here at the forum!!
All the best, and keep coming back.

Bonnie,
Thought you should know that I finally went to my family doctor yesterday and it was so hard doing it. I did print out what I 1st wrote on here and gave it to his nurse for him to read. I just love my family doctor which is why I was so ashamed to tell him.....but he was wonderful. He wanted me to immediately check into to this local clinic which treats depressive disorders but I told him that I couldn't leave his office & go there because I had to get someone to take care of my cats & couldn't allow anyone into my house because of the mess. He also said that I would definately get well. I have either a chemical imbalance or hormonal imbalance. Also I gained another 10 lbs. Three months ago, I weighed 130 and I am now 165. Which is enough to depress anyone! He said that I would be there for 3 days....Hope that is all. He also told me that if I did not go, he will call the police to come to my house....I assured him that I am not suicidal at all.......
Now I am going to phone the doctor because I cannot go today; have no clean clothes, no one to take care of my cats until tomorrow and I have to watch the final of Dancing With the Stars tonight (I'm not going to tell him that).... I will go tomorrow morning....I am laughing about Dancing with the Stars but have not missed a show this year! Does that tell you anything? Maybe I am just lazy but definately want to find out what is wrong.
Thanks for all of you guys concern. Don't know if I will be allowed to take my Blackberry.....but if I am will check in......