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i am still struggling with the panic attacks, and coincidently enough i am awake right now because of one. it took me a good hour or so to calm down. one reason i think i get them is because i have a horrible fear of vomiting. its pretty embarrassing, but its the truth. so whenever i feel neaseous, i immediately think im going to throw up, which sparks the panic attack. i wonder if im the only one that is so afraid of throwing up? i hope im not. i am sick of it. no medicine seems to help. ive tried prozac, paxil, and lexapro, but they have done nothing. i am now on to zoloft, and clonazepam. the clonazepam is helping a little bit, but it do esnt get rid of my panic totally. and lately, ive had a bad case of the "blahs". i just dont seem to care about most things anymore, whether it is doing well in school, or with my social life. i dont care. i want to care, but i dont. im worried about how this weill affect my school work, as well as my social life, and life with my family. they just dont get it. my mom has struggled with depression for years. right after she got out of high school, she was hospitalized for it. since then, she has been in and out of the hospital numerous times. she has recieved shock thereapy (i dont know if thats what its really called) twice, and has seemingly recovered. she is still on loads of medications for this and sees a psychiatrist every other week or so. i wonder if i inherited some of the depression she has, if that makes sense... ahh i dont know. all i know is that i am at a loss of what to do. and i just want a normal nights sleep!
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-rachel :)
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