How to help depressed husband Options

[Petunia]

I'm not quite sure where to start, so I'll give you a little background...

My husband sought help on his own for depression about 1-1/2 years ago. The doc put him on Lexapro and it worked great. He felt better, he was happier, life returned to normal. After his prescrip ran out he stopped taking it for about a month. Then he got back on it, but it doesn't seem to be working anymore.

He slowly seems to be getting worse. About 6 months ago he stopped going to work one or two days a week. He is a salesman and has a very large territory and flexible hours. His boss doesn't breathe down his neck. He's pretty much free to decide his own work plan, as long as thing are getting sold. This has turned out to be BAD.

About 2 months ago he stopped going to work AT ALL. He gets up around 11 am every day and then spends all day on the computer. He spends the weekends on the computer or watching TV.

I am a stay-at-home mom and we have 3 kids under 8. I am freaking out that he is going to lose his job. I am freaking out that he is so unhappy. I am freaking out that I am questioning our marriage.

He is good with the kids and does stuff with them, but not to the extent he used to. He slept through our daughter's chorus concert. "Why didn't you wake me up?" he asked. "Because you are an adult. You have an alarm clock. If it was important to you, you could have set it." is what I replied.

Here is what I've tried (in no particular order):

- Yelling & screaming. Calling him selfish and lazy. Being pissed off. (This was before I found this forum, and I realize that was the wrong thing to say, but I still sort of feel this way)

- Trying to reason with him, explaining that his bosses are going to notice that he has no lunch receipts & no gas receipts. Or his boss will talk to customers and find out he's not seeing them. Explaining calmly to him that I am unhappy too. Doesn't he care about our marriage? Or me? Or my feelings?

- Being nice all the time so he will feel better about himself. (When I do this, I feel like an enabler. Like my being kind during the day is my silent endorsement of him not going to work.)

- Suggested new meds. He seems resistant to this. He also doesn't want to go to any therapy. He tried once and didn't like the therapist. His Lexapro is about to run out and I am going to push hard again for him to try something else.

I am at my wits end. I walk around with a knot in my stomach. I'm angry at him for not going to work. I'm totally stressed out that he will lose his job. We're not being intimate because he doesn't have much desire and I have trouble being close to him whan I'm so angry. Plus, I already do almost everything around the house and with the kids and with everything...for God's sake, I have be in charge of the sex too?!

This depression is very hard for me to understand. I am a "do"er. I am a "pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps"...pull yourself together...get over it kind of person. I genuinely can't understand why he can't do this. I can't seem to put myself in his shoes.

I'm starting to cry as I type this. I want my best friend back. Please somebody, tell me how to help him.