I'm only fifteen, and I've never been through any big crisis or anything. For the past month or two, I've been hating myself, feeling worthless, like a burden to others, I'm irritable and mean for no reason, I'm always tired, I have constant headaches (starting just this week), I'm always feeling sad, I have no confidence lately but I used to be slightly OVERconfident. and I'm very negative, especially about the future. I worry a lot too, and when I find something big to worry about it plays over and over through my head until I find the right solution for it. I'm also scared to be alone in public (not school, but like in the mall). I'm scared to go into a store by myself, or do basically anything by myself, but then when I'm a home I just want to be alone. I feel like everyone in my school hates me and I found out today that if I don't talk to anyone, no one talks to me, except my best friend, but I only see her one period. It's awful. I almost cried in my last class. Basically, I think the reason for my depression is because I feel like I have no friends. I don't understand, I'm nice to everyone and I listen and I even laugh and joke with them...but now I just think what's the point, because they don't care about me anyways.
I've only thought about suicide once, when my mom told me that I make her feel so unloved and uncared for. THAT killed me, so I was frozen in place, just thinking, "If I died now I'd just put her out of her hatred towards me." I didn't act on it or anything. But like I know she loves me and everything, but I always push her away and say mean things that I regret moments later.
Every night I write in my diary about how I felt that day...there's almost never any good feelings.
Today I tried to go to my health teacher about it, because we're learning about depression right now, but he wasn't there. I think I'll try tomorrow, but it's embarrassing. I don't know what to do!

hey i read your post im only new here too and i have the same things as you im 17 though.
i guess i cant give you any advice but help you go through things...
you seem like you may have been a really happy person on the outside but maybe on the inside something was bothering you when i was your age and at school i was the one who had all the parties at school and everyone came but i used to feel like they only spoke to me when i was haven a party never at school.
then i felt like i didnt really have any true friends.

if there is anything i can do to help let me know ok
thanks kristy

Thanks for replying... when I'm at school I try to be nice and be friendly and stuff but you're right, something's wrong inside. I know what you mean, I have people over all the time, guy friends and my other friends, but I feel exactly how you do. Have you gotten any help about it?

Thats ok.
never really got any help for any of my problems up until now when im getting older and it gets harder to ignore hey do u have msn hotmail or something?

Hey corky. Ive been in your shoes and more, though i havent gotten any help for it, i think i can help you. Dont bend to what you think your friends expect of you. Today's society repress too many feelings that us guys would naturally feel, but don't want us to any more, under the threat that we may look like sissies. Here's a phrase that can serve you well:

"Fuck that."

Vulgar, yes, but words are only a form of expression, and one day the world will acknowledge that. Love your parents, let them know that you really are human. Do you have a girlfriend? Go spend time with her. Girls are much more open to feelings, and if I had a special somebody that I could share my deepest feelings with, I wouldn't be here speaking with all of you. On a similar note, if you think you have something special for somebody you know, and are afraid to speak to him/her (just being P.C.), just do it. Like right out of a children's story. You have to ask them.

dont bend to society, let society bend to you.

That's true...I know but I can't stop beating myself up because of it! I talked to my health teacher and he said that I should tell my parents...how the heck am I supposed to to that?????

...haha and I'm a girl

the best way that i think that one could tell their parents about depression is simple and dry at that. I remember, i told my mother "i have a problem..." and i went on with that. your parents care more about you than anybody else you know. luckily, you've got TWO of them, so use them both.

Edit: On the note that youre a girl. in today's society, its extremely hard for a girl to please her friends compared to guys (though dont get me wrong, we've got our own, separate problems), so do your best to let your friends know what you feel (especially if you are being bullied )