Depressed Feelings

Depressed Feelings
By Lisa
30 Years Old

I'm a mother, 30 year old with 2 children. I just went over a divorce because I was caught having an affair with someone. My ex-husband and I still go out with the children, he wants to work it out with me, but I am not sure if he is the one for me anymore. When he found out what I did, he took an overdose of Tylenol, called my work and asked for my boss, telling her he wanted to speak to her about his and my problems. It was a real turnoff for me. I continue to see the person I had the affair with, he is married with 1 child. The depressing part is that at one point we actually spoke about being together, but because of finances, it is impossible...and I don't even think I would be happy with him..it is all about lust, but what is a relationship if its only about sex. Right now I live at my parents' house, been there all my life...everyone around me had moved at least once in their life, but not me. Its hard here because of the high cost of living. I want to leave and think a change is what I need, but in order for me to take this step, I'd have to move out of state. I don't know where I am heading with all of this, sometimes I feel like my children are the only ones that keep me going. I feel like I am the only one who is feeling this way. I ruined my relationship for a man whom I cannot even see myself with for the next 10 years, but yet I have feelings for him. I still see myself with my ex-husband when we're 70, but not right now. His behavior towards my work (he apologized) and his controlling behavior towards me for the past 10 years led me to divorce him. I don't know what to do. I hate the weekends, I love the weekdays when I do go to work, it gives me something to take my mind off of this depressed feelings. Another thing why I am saddened is that I've lost friends because when I left my work (the one where my ex called), I left some friends and a job that I enjoyed. Right now I am in a job where there is not much interaction with people. I cannot be jumping from job to job. I continue to argue with my ex, he's backed off, telling me to go live with my boyfriend...I cannot even do that---he is so stuck with credit card debt and two other children to child support for. It would be a match made in hell. Sometimes I feel like moving to Vegas, finding a new job, being in this house, boring...nothing new is driving me so crazy. Its hard to leave family, though, my sister is on her way to having her first child, moving elsewhere would mean hardly any contact.. I dont know what to do, I am so out of my mind, I've been acting standoffish lately and it feels like I am spinning out of control. Please help me.

Posted by Lisa : April 9, 2005

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