Narcissistic Love Patterns: The Recycler

We are all selfish and that too by human nature. When we concentrate on taking care of ourself or making ourself comfortable, this is a healthy form of selfishness, as long as it’s not taken to an extreme. Healthy people set good boundaries for themselves and pursue their own interests realistically. They develop personal esteem, mature principles, and can accomplish their goals. From a solid sense of self, they can form deep relationships with others.

Selfishness though can appear in a wide spectrum, stretching from healthy self-care to moderate, socially acceptable personal goal achievement, to the extreme form of destructive narcissism – individuals who don’t care about the impact of their selfish behavior on others.

Superiority and entitlement for Narcissistic Person

The narcissist person thinks only about what is good/bad, superior/inferior, and right/wrong. The only place where a narcissist feels safe is at the top. These people always want to be the best, the most right, and the most competent. They like to do everything their way; own everything; and control everyone. This can go to the other direction as well, towards being the worst or the last. They feel entitled to receive soothing concern and recompense and even the right to hurt you or demand apologies to “make things even.”

Exaggerated need for attention and validation

Narcissists need constant attention and constantly saying something to grab your attention. A narcissist’s need for validation is like a funnel. You pour in positive, supportive words, and they just flow out the other end and are gone. No matter how much you tell narcissists you love them, admire them, or approve of them, they never feel it’s enough—because deep down they don’t believe anyone can love them. They constantly try to elicit praise and approval from others to shore up their fragile egos, but no matter how much they’re given, they always want more.

Perfectionism

Narcissists wants everything perfect. They believe they should be perfect, events should happen exactly as expected, and life should play out precisely as they envision it. The demand for perfection leads the narcissist to complain and be constantly dissatisfied.

Great need for control

They want to control everything and and mold it to their liking. You are a character in their internal play, not a real person with your own thoughts and feelings.

Lack of responsibility—blaming and deflecting

Narcissists never want to be responsible for the results—unless, of course, everything goes exactly their way and their desired result occurs. Spouse/Partners are the safest person to blame, because they are least likely to leave or reject them. Controling Narcissistic person is complex and daunting undertaking, as they not only trigger old wounds, they also manufacture new ones.