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Love Yourself

When you begin to see good in everybody,
evrybody will begin to see good in you.

Lack of excellence should hurt. That which hurts, instructs.
That which instructs, creates.

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True spiritual evolution is in transcending the bondage of all the religions.

The loudest way to tell the world to "Shut-Up" is to show the results.

However bad the traffic may be, you will eventually reach home,
However tough the times may be, believe, you will eventually triump.
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I am a doll for play , or do the words you said dint mean anything. Are words only words or is it meant to kill me when times go by. Am I nothing , or the world made me feel like I am nothing. Will the days pass by and go brighter , Will I ever find someone , someone to call my own , or was i meant to be alone.

(Sent in by Woofer October 15, 2006 )

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this world brought me down...crashed me to the floor and stomped on me. let me down, turned its back and walked away to leave me lay on the cold hard ground to die alone.

(Sent in by Brittany July 19, 2006 )

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Slowly slipping in a deep dark pit, i find my self near the end of my life, i thank my friends and family for everything they have done to help me over the years with my aching pain, i remain, unknown and i don't want to share my feelings, thoughts, knowing it will only make others sad, i've only made it so far thanks to my girl friend, shes a lovely woman, happy glaring smile whenever i see her, she makes me have a new lease on life, now i'm here sitting at home typing this out, i feel so alone because noone is here beside my friends and my family have gone and i'm here stuck in my deep dark pit..

(Sent in by Joel July 12, 2006 )

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What if your fears and dreams existed in the same place?
What if to get to heaven you had to brave hell?
What if everything you ever wanted cost you everything you ever achieved? Would you still?

(Sent in by serenidy July 6, 2006 )

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Slowly drowning in my sorrow

Wishing things would be better tomorrow

Feeling like I am in an ocean of doubt and despair,

gradually sinking and gasping for air.

Knowing life is not a light switch you can flip on and off

Simply settling and accepting I have to carry on.

Trying to keep my sanity and composure intact

out of fear of how those close to me, might react.

Fears of inadequacy as a human, as a woman, burry themselves deep in my head

As I make a foolish attempt to have a good night's rest in my lumpy bed.

Due to the fact that there are others out there ten times better than I,

makes me afraid and let out defeated sighs.

Since it seems like things will always be this way,

its frustrating because I have to go through it day after day.

Yet, when my quandaries are more than I can bare,

I can at least take comfort in those who really care.

You know who you are, and so do I.

That knowledge keeps me from going over the edge, from giving up and giving in.

::sigh::

(Sent in by Lourdes Medel June 6, 2006 )

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I've stopped taking the medication. My doctor doesn't know. The lack of a drug in my body makes me dizzy. It hurts, I guess. It feels rather as though I have no feeling. But how can that be? I feel sad now. But it feels like nothing.
It'll come back. The little bit of feeling, of life, the medication took away will come back. And I can feel again. Even if I won't like the emotion.

(Sent in by Ed April 23, 2006 )

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I feel myself slipping more and more every year now. I don't know why i feel the way I do about myself. I just have so much hate in me towards myself. Why I ask myself many times, am I now happy with my life. I'm still waiting for the answer to this day. My past delt with my overcoming my epilpsy disorder which cause me to miss out on most of my life. Two years after the surgery were the toughest. I was glad not to be sick anymore, but yet i felt so empty and alone in this world. The few years after that things were good. I went back to school and am now working a nice job. But for some reason last year I suddenly felt the sadness slowly coming back. I feel that this time it is stronger than it every was before. I've spoken with my doctor and he just says that I have been putting to much on my plate and that i need to relax and try to enjoy life. Prehaps he's right, but Im starting to fear that this sadness may one day overtake me. Ive recently screwed up my relationship I had with a great girl. I think to myself alot as to why am I here, what is my purpose. I know that I have not completed my mission here since I have come close to death a few times but yet I still survived. I'll continue writing more later, I could probably write a book with all i have to say........ Life??? that is the true question...

(Sent in by Dan March 19, 2006 )

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I feel myself slipping once again, I know whats to come now, I've been here before. Lonliness and despair, just me and my thoughts, my private struggle.
I don't want much, just to be free from this darkness, this pain, this fear. I wish people didn't judge, I'm not 'weak'! I can't just 'pull myself together!' I wish it were that easy.
I wish they understood, I wish I didn't have to pretent, I wish I didn't have to hide, I wish I wasn't me!

(Sent in by Chris Foster March 12, 2006 )

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depression is a disease that slowly eats you up. i am 22 yr old male and i have depression since 16 the last yr is like hell to me...i am taking for the last week seropram daily and i hope it will help me fight my demons. depression is something that only if you have it or had it you can understand it.
hope good luck to all you

(Sent in by george March 11, 2006 )

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You cry... you feel sad... you get "help"... but its still there... only now you hide it... you want everyone to believe it is ok... but its not, i'm not ok- its a rollercoaster of emotions, you slowly start to feel better and then all of a sudden you crash again... then it starts all over.

(Sent in by Mallisa March 6, 2006 )

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I am a recovered depressed female age 42, last 6 years since my divorce and death of Father.  I have 3 children whom I help care for 95% of time since their Father works second shift he has had custody for 2 years due to my abandoment of children during a manic episode.  I have been non-working for last 4 years and on disablity.  During the course of my depression I made 2 suicide attempts and was almost sucessful. Praise the Lord I was not.  I have lost many friends due to the course of illness and put a major strain of my family and financially it took it's toll to the tune of about $100,000.00. I am still paying hospital bills. I was hospitalized 11 times in 3 years for depression, mania and suicidal actions, and thinking. Once I decided to admit that I had a problem and got on medications and remained complient with therapy and medications my life began to return to normal. I still had my ups and downs over the last 2 1/2 years. But at present consider myself a recovered depressed person due to Electroconvulsive Therapy treatments that I recieved last October through December.  I am stable and doing well and am only on 1 medication for sleep and pyschotic thinking I was formerly on 4 medication for depression, and anxiety. I remember those days when all I could think about was killing myself, or slept until 2 in the afternoon.  I would isolate myself from the and not do things that are just part of life.  I am now going strong but fully remember those struggles on a daily sometimes hourly basis. I praise God that I am a changed woman and thank those who prayed for me and never gave up on me.  I realize just how lucky I am and know that God has plans for you also.  I encourage you to reach out to others, family,friends and get professional help and medications or treatment if necessary. Find a support group in your community, I attend Depression Bipolar Support Alliance once a week and find this very helpful. I also reached out to God in my time of need. I have been saved for 2 1/2 years. I found alot of support through the church. I am very active in a Single Parent Sunday School class and attend Church every week with my 10 year old daughter.  The Church offers many activities for Singles and Families alike. I also was able to attend support groups through the Church, Divorce Recovery and Sexual Trauma and Abuse Recovery. I encourage all of you whom are suffering from depression to seek help in your community it's there you just have to seek it out.  Also, I encourage you to listen to the song Live Like You Were Dying by Tim McGraw if you never heard it this says it all.  Remeber to live each day like it were last one and praise God that we are blessed enough to be alive. Don't get discouraged there is help for those of us who suffer from depression. Godd luck and God bless you during your walk in life. Thanks ofr listening.

(Sent in by Laurel A. Snide March 1, 2006 )

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Self-hate, just another person on your list that hates you.someone that should be the most important, but you feel makes no difference.

(Sent in by mon Feb 13, 2006 )

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I don't need a reason to kill myself, I need a reason not to.

I could die at any moment, the tragedy is that I don't.

(Sent in by Chelse Feb 12, 2006 )

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i don't know how my life has done a 180 just this past year....i blame it mostly on him...who liked to play mind games with me. i loved him with all my heart and he just ripped it up in front of me. i decided not to care about anything...my job...my friends...etc. i got myself in debt and now i have no $, i don't have him, a place to call home and most of all i dont' have myself. i dont' know who i am anymore or what the point of my life is...all because of him??? i don't get it and saw it commin..until now when i'm sitting here trying to control myself from ending my life. i want to just be myself again and the thought of that drives me even more crazy....never would i have imagined myself saying that....i am soooo frustrated it's unbelievable. over a guy??? what's my problem....i let him ruin me and my life right now....it's so not worth it but it happned and i'm going to have to try and deal with it and not beat myself up about it.....it's easier said than done that's for sure

(Sent in by erica Jan 29, 2006 )

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everytime someone asks me if im ok, its just a reminder that im not. Im crying inside and no noe knows it but me...

(Sent in by Laura Jan 29, 2006 )

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And I thank,
While I curse,
My saviour.

Here I am referring to a blade, I thank the escape it gives and curse the scars it lets others see - scars previously only in my mind.

(Sent in by Niki Jan 27, 2006 )

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i m still alive, i can breathe... i will survive to this depression... i will see life like before beautiful, sunny, shining and lovely... i believe in God... i believe in life... i believe in love... hope everyone who has depression will get over it...and will be born again to Life...stronger and wiser...appreciating every second of life...everything has a meaning in our life...even depression can bring positive things to our life...my love to all...  

(Sent in by rola Jan 23, 2006 )

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Hi
Remember depression can have a lot of very real physacal pain joint mussle head so get checked out

(Sent in by James Brown Jan 19, 2006 )

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Depression to me is like a deep dark pit that once you have reached bottom there is no escape.
At first began to feel yourself slding into the shadows and then complete isolation from life. Things begain to lose their color. yellows of the sunshine, and blues of the sky fade to a grey and bleak shadow that seems to ovewhelm me. I can no longer see or hear things that are pleasing to me anymore. Dark thoughts of fear and failure dwell within my mind almost constantly. I feel numb to the world and people around me. I want to be left alone because it takes so much work to hide the true pain and sadness I am feeling. The guilt for not being able to handle simple conversations. It is so hard and exhausting to pretend with people that I am ok when in fact I have spiraled downward into what I call THE PIT. It is deep, dark, lonely and inescapable for me sometimes.

(Sent in by Mercedes Jan 18, 2006 )

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depression is just symtom that all psycos have.  its a word made up by psychyatrists so that you will continue comming back to them and pay them money so that they can continue to make you feel worse about yourself.  take hold of the situation yourself and admit that you enjoy hurting yourself its the only self worth that you can get.  deep down inside you should realize that you are a mesokist and that everything you are going through is just a phase that will eventually make you a stonger person.  take it from someone who knows.  talk to everyone you know who shows symptoms of this so called "depression".  when you say "OH MY GOD IM `NOT` ALONE" thats because everyone goes through it.  some people overexagerate on it because its the only attention that they ever get in life others is because that there is someone in their family always treating them like shit.  find something that will make you happy.  and no im not talking about that razor that feels so good slicing through your skin and puts you in extacy feeling the blood rush all over your body.  where that may feel really good it only draws you deeper into becoming the psyco that you really are.  chill, relax, read a book, find somethin in your life that is productive ok.  ive helped out way to many people so i know what im talking about.  if you need to talk more my aol sn is hellraiser696668

(Sent in by Tony Jan 13, 2006 )

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Depression is like a drug that turns you into a person opposite of yourself. Whatever you think while you are on depression is false. Depression makes you believe that everyone hates you and you hate yourself and also that things are really bad.this is not TRUE. Understand that depression exists in the mind and it takes over a person, just think how some people are alcoholics or drug addicts. The same things happen to them just start praying and also forgive yourself and your enemies, you will feel alot better trust me. Then just tell people you know and people that like and love you. You tell them you have a problem and explain to them then go get help. Help is all around you. Tell your family, tell your friends parents ETC, remember that whatever you think they belive its not probably true. They dont hate you trust me in your mind you hate verything and everyone including yourself all that is not true.go to people you can trust, go to church and talk to a priest, you got to communicate, just remember, it took you awhile to GET depressed, its gonna take time to get undepressed, its just like a addiction, its gonna take time.

(Sent in by Dylan Jan 12, 2006 )

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I would love to believe
Why do I hesitate
I would love to understand
Why do I hesitate
I would love to feel
Why do I hesitate
I would love to show love
Why do I hesitate
I would love to respect
Why do I instagate
I would love to stop worrying
Why do I formulate
I would love to move on
Why do I congragate
I would like to say
I will, Cause today and every day is my Independence Date......

(Sent in by Guy Jan 12, 2006 )

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If you ask why>You'll never know
If you ask who>Look closer
If you ask where>look around you
If you ask when>Try harder
If you need answers>search
If you need love>give
If you need reassurance>ask
If you need faith and understanding>Believe!

(Sent in by Guy Jan 11, 2006 )

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a peice is missing from me
i look and look but neva find
for in this world all i seek
is that special peice that makes me complete
but when i look all i see
is pain despair and loss
but when i plunged to my coffin
my pain was gone and i was complete
so y waste a life full of pain

(Sent in by sarah Jan 7, 2006 )

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Depression, I never asked for it, but here I am. Anger, It never feels good, but they asked for it! I used to be a somewhat happy person. I've always treated people good who returned the same dimeaner. Alls I wanted was just to fit in. I was also picked on in school. They say thats just what kids do. But then I grew up and the problem now is that alot of men don't grow up. Their the ones out in bars that are just looking for a fight. They act like their still in high school, thinking their all that. I can't even take my girl out to a bar without having some "perverted leech" hit on my girl as soon as I turn my back. Then theirs the "weak men" who phyically abuse their women. Sometimes I'm ashamed to be a man because their right when they say" women are maturer than most men. What gets me angry is alot of people get away with hurting others where I say " they need to be held accountable for their actions "! My therapist keeps telling me I need to just walk away from tose kind of peple. How can I, when it gives me a certain satisfaction when I get to tell these kind of people what I think of them. I wish we could just send these people to Iraq! Maybe then I could concentrate more on my condition. In closing alls I can say is " these comments may seem harsh, but if the truth hurts, so be it!

(Sent in by Guy Jan 5, 2006 )

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I am still thankful; I am not the ONLY ONE IN PAIN. There are others out there just like me, fighting with their meager store of strength and seeks out help, hoping one day they will feel better. I still don't lose hope. I do this for my family's sake. I don't want them to be affected. I know I will get through this.  

(Sent in by steph Jan 1, 2006 )

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I have always felt different, i guess i am a little weird, loner  gay, but at the same time smart loving, people admire me and respect me . i felt depression back in 96. tried different meds, until, effexor worked for me, then i felt good for several years now depression has come back again, and with much vengance. it took my soul and mind, I am back with my partner after a short break up which i think caused the monster to come back, i lost motivation in life and i called my X to come back into my life since i was feeling suicidal, he claims he loves and will be there for me,and he has been a great deal of support for me. i'm taking cymbalta for 4 weeks now but my Dr. says it will take 2 more weeks till we decide which medication i should stay with. in the mean time there are suicidal thoughts, running in my head as well as some of hope. i would hate to miss out on my son's highschool graduation, or my own graduation from the RN program. as a nurse i know that there is hope, but no matter how much knowledge you have you will always feel lost and helpless when depression is in your body. my messeage is that we should be patient and continue to do positive things because at the end, all this mess in our heads, will only seem like a period of time where we were sleeping or we blanked out, i am hurting so much and i know there are many more hurting out there, but let's be kind to ourselves and give ourselves words of appreciation and affecection, over and over, take care of yourselves and be PATIENT, just like i will be.  God is there watchin over us and will not let us perish, unless we want to.

(Sent in by gus Dec 4, 2005 )

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i awake screaming into the darkness i search for a light but i can find none, i stand up and amedilety i fell as though i am drowning in the inky black darkness that seams to strangel me, i sceam into the darkness i see some one they are looking directly at me, i call out to them but they they turn and walk away i trty to strugle through the darkness to them i call out to them again,but still they keeping walking away untill i can't see them at all, i stop strugleing then and let the darkness take me then i am gone,no one to helped me what happenend to me that no one will help me. then i shut my eyes and let the last thought that i wiil ever have come into focous, a girl crying flaeing her arms for help but no one helps her i call out one last time i am hear, one tear trails don my cheek and then i let go never to see the light again.

(Sent in by sarah w Dec 1, 2005 )

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you see happy people walking in the crowd they call to you and you put on a simle, but those bright shinny people wil never know what your going through and they will never know that pretrending to be a happy is causeing a part of you to go to a dark place and lie down and die.

(Sent in by sarah w Dec 1, 2005 )

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I'm alone, surrounded by a crowd of friends. My ears hear nothing but the stories that don't include me, my eyes see nothing but the people turned away, and my hands feel the cold that comes from having no one around to just give me a hug. That's a ll I really want... a hug... and someone to be there when they say they will, even if I push them away.

(Sent in by Louie Dec 1, 2005 )

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No matter how hard I have tried to seek out help, the pain is still there sharper has it was before.  Being with a crowd of people or with ur best friend you still stand in darkness and feel totally alone.  When will thus end?  When will thus pain go away?  I can no longer take thus pain and feel my life has no inpack on anyone, who wlll miss someone who is nothing to anyone?  Life, Life has no meaning to me anymore cause what life am I living just in the darkness and pain.

(Sent in by Brent Nov 29, 2005 )

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If you love someone
They will hurt you

If you trust someone
They will lie to you

If you need someone
They will leave you

If you want someone
You can't have them

If you care
NO ONE WILL CARE ABOUT YOU

(Sent in by brittney Nov 24, 2005 )

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Harsh words & violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped and twisted
So many tricks and so many lies
Too many whens and too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped and twisted
Sleeping awake & choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone so warped and twisted
On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm almost gone, my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped and twisted
Burnt out, wasted, sad, and hollow
Today's just yesterday's tomorrow
The sun died out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped and twisted

(Sent in by brittney Nov 24, 2005 )

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I've learned that this darkness that seeks to consume my life is only sharing this body with me.  I will press on, sometimes like the living dead, because I have a right to try.  This is my life too and this depression cannot completely define me or I will cease to be.  Fight for your right to life; death will come in its own time.

(Sent in by itsmylife2 Nov 24, 2005 )

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people come and go and are sometimes forgottin but true love will always remain no matter how many girls u hug or kiss the first one that u cant help but want to talk to for hours and hours and be round 24/7 thats the people you keep cause no matter wat happens u will always love that person

(Sent in by jason Nov 24, 2005 )

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I never understood why there is a point to living when no one understands the pain that you feel. What is the point of enduring this everyday pain just to be somewhere that you aren't wanted and no one cares. Depression is such a everyday thing that it has become part of my life that seems wrong if it isn't there. How is it that I have come to this where I can't function without it anymore? The pain leads to such suffering that there is no stopping it. How did it get so bad? Well I guess that I can't hide from something that won't go away. No one cares and no one's there. I depend on myself and that isn't even enough sometimes. The pain overcomes me and engulfs me in it's internal and endless suffering.

(Sent in by kassie Nov 22, 2005 )

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I haven´t got a clue what might be of help to anyone. As you all know depression is the ultimate foe -it turns your self doubt into self hate, it isolates you, it takes away your weapons of survival and turns them againts you. What to say about suicide?
Perhaps only that it is so tragically ironic, it is the greatest betrayal, for the one who kills you is precisely the one who should protect you from an assassin.

(Sent in by Tony Nov 18, 2005 )

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One day you'll wake up and wonder--isn't someone missing?  Then you'll shed a tear because you miss the emptiness.  

This sadness is my life; this overbearing theme pushing me further under, stifiling each smile, burning beneath each forced note of laughted.  What is pure joy...full hearted happiness?  I no longer remember it's touch.  My only friend is loneliness...my closest companion and yet my silent killer hiding behind a mask of composure and small mindless chatter.  My heart is broken, but the pain becomes so numb.  Such irony inside my soul.

It's amazing how quickly dreams can die--this silence is my heartbreak--this dreamless state is my fall--this depression is writing the end.

(Sent in by Tanna Nov 14, 2005 )

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it hurts now it will hurt 2morrowm i will always have pain and feel sorrow...help me please im blinded by my tears and i just cant see so many devils tryna recycle my soul because where im from there's no possitive foe's

(Sent in by jessica campbell Nov 12, 2005 )

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Life is bad. It's just a bunch of aches and pains. When ever there is some good/happiness it's inevitable that it is going to end. I've resolved myself. I'm not going to  expect anything but the worst because it's inevitable. Why be caught by suprise by something you know isn't going to last. Don't be a fool, even if it does get better always know it will come to an end.

(Sent in by donna Nov 10, 2005 )

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I always wanted to hav someone who will understand me rather not someone but my husband i will be getting married after 2 months and this boy with whom i will get married loves me thats wat he says but i have realised over this time that he is not the right guy now everybody knows about our engagement and i really cant call it off i am unable to sleep for the last 1 month everytime i think about we living together for rest of our lives i get scared thinking will we end up like a couple who will fight daily though we dont fight but may be in frustation we will say things which will hurt us i am writing this note dont know y for whom but it feels as if am talking to someone as i havent shared this thing with any of my friends or family members that i dont feel like marrying this guy god help me pls change few things i want a happy married life am scared

(Sent in by unknown Nov 11, 2005 )

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I have lost my identity.  I am just a bunch of molecules roaming the earth.  I look at happy people and feel detached.  Where did "I" go.  Who am I.  Will this despair ever end.  Will I ever be a person again.

(Sent in by Celia Nov 6, 2005 )

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Nobody seems to care,
Nobody seems to listen,
I dont think they know Im alive.
So why stay alive?
When u can fix your life....
With one little jump,slash,or a lil pull with ur finger.

(Sent in by Heather Richardson Nov 4, 2005 )

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Jesus is the way the truth and the life.
He is my Savior.
I will make it through this.

(Sent in by Stefanie Nov 4, 2005 )

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Depression: I feel like if one day I just disappeared nobody would notice..at least until a bill was overdue.

(Sent in by Jessica M. Nov 1, 2005 )

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Blue and white skies outside, blue and white pills inside. The sun is shinning outside, so why do I feel so dark inside?

(Sent in by Ben Oct 29, 2005 )

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I think the natural cure for depression is elation.This realization has come to me after a long struggle with my depression.I was dignosed having manic depressive illness almost 13 years ago and have been fighting my depression since then. I have endured all my pain and I have all along felt that an unseen hand is taking care of me.It gives me a lot of assurance and security.And yes,I have found out 2 potent ways of fighting depression,i.e,(1)elation or feeling constantly happy and (2)creating,sharing love with one another.

(Sent in by Toshabanta Barik Oct 22, 2005 )

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I've been beaten down by an invisible hand.  I can't see it coming, no way to defend against it.  But as it bruises my mind I fight it back with a strength deep inside me.  I open my eyes to a new day, and start the struggle all over again.

(Sent in by Chris R Oct 21, 2005 )

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I am like a bird that senses the dawn and starts singing carefully while it is still...dark

(Sent in by Osama Qanni Oct 19, 2005 )

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The most important thing is not worrying about what people say about you to a certain point. Also that we are stroong human beings and when we put oour mind to it we can accomplish anything. " LOVE TRAVELS" Depression won't hold me down.

(Sent in by Mica Hopkins Oct 17, 2005 )

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i sit here and wonder why me?.. why is my life so much harder then others.. why does it always rain the hardest on the one that deserves the sun... think back when you were happy and maybe one time soon that happeness will soon come to you....

(Sent in by ashley Oct 14, 2005 )

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you might have scars all over your body, but what about the ones engraved in your memories.

(Sent in by Courtney Oct 13, 2005 )

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Writing is the brink from life and death; you either write your last words or write  to cope with your problems. Which one will you do?

(Sent in by Amanda Oct 11, 2005 )

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Its like youve been put on mute. people can see ou but they just cannot hear you.

(Sent in by stephanie Lincoln Oct 11, 2005 )

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he had killed me so i will kill him back  becouse it hurts' please help me before its too late.

(Sent in by Allan Oct 9, 2005 )

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Im scared of alot of things, but im not scared of the boogyman, the shadow or the thought of dying, the only thing im scared of, is rethinking how dumb i could be to do this to him...i loved him so much

(Sent in by Lee Oct 8, 2005 )

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guys...im scared....im depressed...tired of life..i loved and never be loved....fake love ? heh...alot...alot...alot...i just want the world to stop and let me off right now...well...i guess that life is meaningful....an earthquake is more than enough to deal with these things....i wonder who could relay to the things im going through...anyways....im off...

(Sent in by hussein Sept 18, 2005 )

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im all ways scared of what people thin k of me. i use to be so happy and cheerful but lately im growing more dark i dont talk very much i cry for no reason i feel guilty alot for no reason. and when i tell my mother i think im depress she just laughs and dont believe me its getting old fast i dont even skate anymore and thats my favorite thing to do. i wish some one will believe me

(Sent in by Raiven Sept 12, 2005 )

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It's delightful to be alone - but, oh! -so horrible when you're lonely...'

(Sent in by Caryn Andrea Sept 12, 2005 )

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THE GREAT tragedy of life is not that men perish, but that they cease to love.

(Sent in by Nathalie Sept 8, 2005 )

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It goes by a few names.....a spirtitual eclipse...the black hole....the shadow....my own prison...the downward spiral.
I've named it alot of different things...like it has a life of it's own.
In a way it does....my life.
For too long and too completely.
It's getting better but at times it seemed it couldn't be much worse...unless I did the unthinkable... at least most of the time it's unthinkable.
Divorced for a little over a year know...removed from a wife I came to realize was a classic borderline personality (look it up)...I never realized how far down I was on the ladder of life and spirit until I got away from the witch/queen.
A true chameleon who changed and kept me guessing and off balance for 18 years..never knowing who to expect.
Finally starting to figure it out...I think.
Two DWI's since the split in rapid succession and then finding out I was self medicating without realizing it.
No license for the last 10 months(2 to go) and recovering emotionally and financially with Mom and Dad. Thank God someone cares.
Two children I had to leave with the Queen of misery because of the threat of false allegations against me if I dared to go for custody.
Hungry and lonely for someone to just be nice to me and care about me ...at least a little bit...I find myself in my own prison having to acknowledge the fact "Why would anyone want to have anything to do with me?"
Hard to accept, but the truth...too much baggage...my ex's baggage she handed off to me to spare herself her own truth.
At times I wished I could just flip a switch and just go away.
Times I thought about driving into a bridge abuttment or into a truck at the last second.
Absolutely crazy stuff.
I can know see what was so logical at that time to be so desperate from too much pain suffered by the abuser she was.
I can now see the so called glimmer or hint of a silver lining in the most simple of things life offers to everyone each and everyday.
Thank God.......finally.
Things will get better and hopefully someday...great.
I keep trying remind myself things could be a lot worse.
Two great healthy kids who love me and miss me terribly.
I'm their entire world. I now realize that.
That alone has kept me "here".
Realizing now that I've been lost in that vortex of hell tugging at me for years...
I actually want to keep going on to lifes next challenge.
That spells hope and progress in itself.
I've made it this far after going through hell with her...why stop know when things are just starting to look up>
I don't want to go back into that dark hole that life was for far too long.

(Sent in by Mike Sept 8, 2005 )

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Sometimes I would give anything just to be something more than nothing

(Sent in by Clark Aug 27, 2005 )

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Like others I had a difficult upbringing where i had two mother figures leave me at an early age. I didn't understand why and my adolescent years were filled with anger towards my biological mother.
My bouts of depression in the past and most recently have left that horrble feeling of no motivation and there seems nothing you can do. But there is you have to keep in there and keep yourself on the go otherwise it just gets worse and worse!!!!!!!!  
Ive had thoughts of suicide before but never planned. I remember the first time. I came out as homosexual and found accepting this as extrememly difficult.
The way I have dealt with my bouts of depression over the years is turning to those who you know will be there for you !
I feel for those who have nobody !
Keep in there it does get better!

(Sent in by pamela Aug 22, 2005 )

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I have depression from 2003,first diagonsed when i dropped out of college.At first i just thought only study related stress was causing my depression.Soon I realized i am unable to do any work.By each day i became weaker and weaker while my peers grown stronger and stronger i am in a sea where no one knows the depth or no land in sight.Death may be the only way out but why me..My life wasn't bad I loved myself,i had dreams why suddenly all seem to cripple down.... Samiur Arif


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