Identify what made you angry

Anger is a signal that all is not well. We should give shape to our feelings as to do so judiciously is neither bad nor childish, but mature. We should identify the situations that make us particularly angry. Are we being overlooked or taken for granted? Have we had to compromise something we believe in? Has someone taken or violated something precious to us or someone we value?

Once we have cooled off a little, we should ask, is our anger ‘reasonable’? Is it in proportion to the situation that caused it? An intense reaction probably reflects that the immediate cause of the anger has triggered off energy from older, unresolved hurts and fears – perhaps from as far as back as childhood.

Established what we can do about these feelings of anger

We can use our understanding of what gave rise to our anger to learn about ourselves. There are certain actions we can take that will ameliorate our feelings somewhat. Try and work out what these are and ask a (disinterested) friend what they think. Sometimes past hurts, injustices or indignities can be resolved with those responsible. If this is not possible, a skilled therapist can help heal the bruises. Sometimes we can forgive or at least move on. Situations or conflicts that are unresolvable should be avoided. It is difficult to change others’ attitude, but we can improve our own. Each of us has control over ourselves.


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