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How to build a Secure Bond with a Baby?


Following are some of the tips for making a strong and secure bond with the babies:

  1. Have a single primary, regular caregiver for the baby’s first six months. Although mom is usually the primary object of baby’s attachment, the likelihood of a secure attachment happening is equally strong with whoever provides consistent and affectionate care of a baby, whether father, grandparent, or an adoptive parent. One caregiver produces a more securely attached child than a patchwork of people consisting of half of mom, some of dad and a series of babysitters to fill in the gaps.
  2. Keep synchronized routines for eating, sleeping, and stimulation, especially during a baby’s first few months. Adjust baby’s feeding and sleeping schedules according to the baby’s rhythms, especially in the first few months. After six months, a good night’s sleep for all should regain its status as a household priority.
  3. Regularly smile, touch, and show affection to baby. As famous Rhesus monkey experiments (when baby monkeys chose a soft mother surrogate over a wire mother figure even if the latter offered food) demonstrated in the 1950s nothing, not even food and shelter, is more important than the touch of comfort between mother, or a mother figure, and baby.
  4. Act consistently in response to your baby’s distress with comfort, warmth, and competency. But this tip comes with a caveat: research shows that when super-attentive mothers responded instantly to their baby’s every gurgle, cry, and hiccup, their children became less securely attached. The lesson: children react poorly to smothering. It hampers their independence and inhibits the process of learning to self-soothe.
  5. Have a two-way, mutual relationship with your baby; not one dominated by your needs and moods. Go along with the interactions and games that are initiated by baby.

Follow these routines for making a Secure Bond

Hold your baby a lot. On rainy days, put on slow waltzes and dance with him in your arms. Use a pouch or sling in the early months if you're very busy with household chores or other children. Riding on your hip, draped on your tummy, held closely on your shoulder, your baby will feel your comforting bodily reassurance that all is well in this new world.

Tempo: Nurse your baby in tune with her unique rhythm. Some babies are fierce and concentrated nursers. They like to nurse a while, look around a bit, and then go back to suckling. Be patient. Babies have their own nursing styles and patterns. Try to find a quiet, relaxing place for nursing.

Song: Croon slow lullabies and wordless tunes to soothe a fussy baby.

Enjoy and take pleasure in your relationship with your baby. All babies are born with the capacity and desire to experience joy with their caregivers. So expressing and sharing in the delight of the relationship you share with your infant helps your baby to internalize a sense of security and a feeling of being loved and appreciated.

Sometimes crying or laughing
are the only options left,
and laughing feels better right now.

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