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Bare my Soul


Bare my Soul
By Dianna

My family has completely left me, over 2 weeks now. Without any contac tat all. Mothers Day has come and gone, without a word. I don't know what is happening anymore. I was told when they left that I had to get help myself and that they were doing this out of love, I see it as pure hate. I asked my husband if he would go with me for help and he refused. I know have have problems, I know that. but they put me in the nut house a few years back and not one of them were ever there to support me. It was like telling a stranger my problems  but not really caring. I have been to  skinks for concealing but had to do that on my own. So life goes on right? was never discussed or anything. everything that goes wrong in the family is always my fault.They say that a family de cession was made, I was not part of that de cession. I have server al health issues. I,m losing my sight I have the start of heart disease, I weigh 93lbs. I had an ultrasound last month and am scheduled for a cat scan. This may be no big deal, but I have some of the same symptoms as my younger who after months was told she has stomache cancer. I have  been trying to get into see my family doctor  but can't very soon. Today I called my husband again to see if he would go with me, again he refused. But I did tell me in went to see our youngest daughter who is expecting some time this month, I asked if she had the baby he refused to tell me I begged him to tell me if they were okay , he hung up on me. Then I called my oldest daughter, she was very cruel and hateful, Just told me again that I should go to the nut house. and she wouldn't tell me if the baby was okay. Then I called my middle daughter and she slipped up and told me the baby was born 2 days ago , but when I asked if they were both ok she hung up on me. I have been excluded from any family knowledge of my granddaughter birth, I don't know if she lived or died, as there was a risk to the baby. My daughters and other members in my family suffer also from depression. My oldest daughter tried to kill herself a few years ago. Nothing is ever discussed in this family, This makes me sound like I killes someone or something serious, but it was just hurtful words and not only from me and in front of my grandchildren. My husband fooled around on me in the first few years of marriage I caught him. I was pregant with our first child. Not any of that was ever discussed again  My oldest Daughter was raped by my husbands brother when she was 14. Nothing was done about that either. But she has blamed me for that all her life , because WE not only I allowed him to live in our home. Nothing was ever done because my husband was a cop and he told me it would be to hard on him and the family to go threw it. Because his brother was also once a cop on the same force. His own Mother Blamed My daughter for what had happened. but it was never discussed or talked about again unless it was in a heated argument. I have never had any support from my family. There is a lot of other issues but right now I won't go into them.  But I do have a question  is what the family doing  to me the right thing to be doing? Oh ya my husband took almost everything he owns with him when he left. I have no idea where he is  and won't answer any emails or cell phone.  What should I do ? And don't tell me to check into the nut house. Thanks for letting me bare my soul , and no I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of  killing myself.

Posted by DIANNA : May 18, 2005

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