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I get no relief


Posted by Jennifer Davol : May 31, 2011

I've been depressed my entire childhood starting from when i was three years old. My parents never paid any attention to me and blamed me for it. They were always busy with work and friends and just left me alone with my grandparents. My biggest nightmares were of my mother talking about how much life sucks and about death.That was when i first thought about suicide . Seriously a five year old does not have to know about things like that. Every single word that i heard was about misery and pain. My grandmother passed away from cancer a year earlier and my mother was very sad and she would cry and shout for hours while my father insulted her saying that she should move on and forget about it. I knew that they were miserable enough already and never came to the when i had a problem . when i started school i got made fun of because i was depressed and not as playful as everyone else. I was not very good at studding either and i started to feel worthless and pathetic. Like i was just a burden on the people around me and never felt like i was loved or even liked . Around the age of ten i started to isolate myself competently and just sit in the dark and cry for hours at a time . All my parents did was criticize me for not being good enough . As the years went by i just hated myself more and more ...

When i was 11 i started to cut myself when i was sad which was all the time. the one good thing that came from my depression is that i was alone for so long i had time to study and became a depressed bookworm. Which followed a horrible 4 years at school of being bullied because i was smart. And i finally couldn't take it anymore and attempted to commit suicide via overdose. It obviously was a failure and i just got dizzy and passed out foe two days. Surprise surprise my parent didn't notice or care. But then one day i went to school an there was a big test which i passed without studying and got the highest results in the class.

That made me realise that you are the only one who can decide if your going to be miserable or not and since then i have been a lot happier. And set out to be a better person and do my best no matter what anybody thinks because i can't give up now.

Posted by Jennifer Davol :May 31, 2011

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